When you strip away the eloquent charm, devastatingly good looks and modest demeanor, I am but a 5-year-old. In fact, I would rather play video games and miniature golf for days on end than travel across the country. Note: I also have the budget of a college kid so excessive travel to far off destinations is a little out of the question, but you catch my drift.

So when my sorority decides they want to have a social or it’s time for a birthday celebration, I pray to the party gods that the outing will be at Adventure Landing. Then give me a $20 bill [dad] and let me roam.

You probably won’t see me for a few hours.

Whenever I go to Adventure Landing, I pretend I’m James Bond. Is that weird? When a group starts to congregate around the entrance to the laser tag room, I know it’s the start of another Bond mission. I huddle in the back corner of the second floor and pick off people as if they were Russian spies. Bond doesn’t play games. In the rare event that I am spotted, I barrel roll to the first floor and make a mad dash to the corner by the exit.

Then, I wait.

They’ll come. They always do.

This is when I make my move and indubitably, Bond prevails over all.

Obviously, my role as Bond wouldn’t be accurate without a car chase. This is where Adventure Landing’s go-karts come into play. I scope out what I assume to be the best kart, the light blue.

RATS! With the long line ahead of me, I am left with a pink or yellow kart. Not very Bond, if I say so myself.

I select the pink one and it transforms into cherry Ferrari. Green light for go, and I am off.

Weaving between city streets [figure 8 track] and families crossing the busy city streets [cart attendants helping stalled cars after bumping], I, James Bond, cannot be caught and am the first to finish the race!

Add batting cages [German solider target practice] and a water park [saving an innocent civilian off the tropical island waters via jet-ski, naturally] and Adventure Landing is sure to bring out the kid, or Bond, in anyone.

The only thing missing is my GPS navigation watch and exploding pen.

But I’m sure I can find one of those in one of those impossible arm grab machines.

—Jacqueline Simard